Money Relationships

I recently gave a talk on money and relationships. Specifically, it was about minimizing marital/relationship money squabbles. What is important about this? Well, a lot of us and our relationships suffer not because of lack of money or a financial disaster (though that can certainly be a factor), but because of the symbols money represents. Money certainly represents underlying values. How you relate to and use money is typically very similar to how you relate to yourself and others. Think of your money personality, for instance. Are you a spendthrift, a risk taker, or a hoarder? Everything we do with money sends a message to ourselves, our loved ones, and the world at large. If you are a penny pincher, for instance, it may be fear of not having enough or fear of an impending emergency. You may also be telling yourself this is the best way to provide for yourself and your family and the payoffs warrant the sacrifice. While these may be the messages you are transmitting to yourself, you may erroneously be transmitting to your loved ones and the world that you are rigid, cheap, or even selfish. These are quite different messages and one needs to be careful how money behaviors may send the incorrect messages to those we care about. I encourage people to gain greater insight into the way they handle their finances. Look at the way you have spent, saved, invested, and gifted money in the past. Track your behavior for a month or more as a conscious observer to experience how your behavior may send messages to yourself and others. Have you not purchased new shoes in a while because of money or because deep down there is a self-worth issue? Money and personal finance has so much more to do with psychology than technical mechanics. Only by blending behavioral psychology and financial knowledge can we improve our relationships with money, ourselves, and our loved ones.